I am officially under a week now and have to say that I have completely overbooked my life! I think that when I get back home from Mexico I won't feel like doing anything and so I have been trying to get EVERYTHING done this week! As a result, I am tired and cranky and that is no way to begin this journey! Pre-op diet of yogurt and water starts in two days (that's when it's going to get real) and at this point I think it will be a relief!
My patient coordinator (Trish) contacted me and gave me the name and phone number of a woman who will be having her surgery the same day as me. She and I have texted back and forth a few times and that has definitely helped me feel better about traveling alone. We have shared our basic info and are alike in a lot of ways. As I have not shared my decision with anyone except my daughters, it has been difficult to find someone to talk to about my hopes and fears regarding the surgery. Talking with someone who will be there with me has been a blessing!
I have not completely decided who I am going to tell when I get back. I know that my closest friends will be the first ones I share it with and I hope they aren't angry that I kept it to myself until after the event. Other people in my life (including some family) may be kept out of the loop. I know that most people will be happy for my results, but I read about so many people that have to deal with negativity from friends and family and I just don't want all that in my head as I am trying to forge my new healthier life! Comments like - you could have died - what were you thinking - you have taken the easy way out - couldn't you just do it on your own...all of those things I have already asked myself and am happy with the answers. I don't want to justify this choice to anyone but me!
So...the countdown continues. Tick tock, tick tock...
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Three weeks and counting!
Time is passing so quickly! I will be having my surgery exactly 3 weeks from today! I have been in contact with my patient coordinator, and think I have everything I need to take with me and have even begun to purchase things I will need when I get home.
I will be traveling alone for this adventure and while some people think I am nuts, I actually think it will be a good thing for me. For one thing, I am not a very good patient. I don't like feeling sick and any time I am I just want to be left alone until I feel better. I think that anyone traveling with me (since they would have to stay in my hospital room) would quickly become bored and I would feel like I should do something to help keep them entertained...and that just sounds exhausting!! I also think that this will be a good time for me to spend some time inside my own head. Once I have this surgery, nothing will be the same again. I need to make sure I give myself a lot of positive self talk. It's only me that I have to convince - not anyone else. So this time it's just going to be me.
I went through my closet today and organized my clothes according to size. I was actually amazed at the range of sizes in my closet!! I have been wearing size 1X & 2X tops and size 20 pants for so long that I completely forgot that in the back dusty reaches of the closet I have several things in sizes going all the way down to 14's!! Since I know it's been at least 5 years since I could squeeze into a 14 (it was right at the end of my last successful HCG round) I am amazed that I kept anything. That made me really happy since now I won't have to buy many things as I begin to lose weight. I really didn't want to have to spend much money (on work clothes mostly) when they would get too big before they wore out! How is that for positive thinking?!
I bought my first supply of chewable bariatric vitamins and tried one to see if it was totally nasty...and is wasn't! I also bought some flavorless protein powder and a bunch of different broth's to make that first 10 days not so boring! I have read that my doctor wants 10 days on clear liquids, 10 days on full liquids, and 10 days on soft foods before you get to try more dense things. I am going to have to get creative and try new things! It has been great to belong to a few different Facebook groups for WLS patients. I have gotten lots of ideas for foods and protein drinks and have been able to learn from other people's trial and error. I encourage anyone who is thinking of having the surgery or who needs some extra support after the surgery to check them out. The one's I am in are "Sassy Sleevers", "Mexico Sleevers" and "Sleevers over 50".
I probably won't update again until I begin the pre-op diet. In some ways the next 3 weeks are going to fly by...and in some ways they will crawl by. Either way, February 5th here I come!!!
Ciao
I will be traveling alone for this adventure and while some people think I am nuts, I actually think it will be a good thing for me. For one thing, I am not a very good patient. I don't like feeling sick and any time I am I just want to be left alone until I feel better. I think that anyone traveling with me (since they would have to stay in my hospital room) would quickly become bored and I would feel like I should do something to help keep them entertained...and that just sounds exhausting!! I also think that this will be a good time for me to spend some time inside my own head. Once I have this surgery, nothing will be the same again. I need to make sure I give myself a lot of positive self talk. It's only me that I have to convince - not anyone else. So this time it's just going to be me.
I went through my closet today and organized my clothes according to size. I was actually amazed at the range of sizes in my closet!! I have been wearing size 1X & 2X tops and size 20 pants for so long that I completely forgot that in the back dusty reaches of the closet I have several things in sizes going all the way down to 14's!! Since I know it's been at least 5 years since I could squeeze into a 14 (it was right at the end of my last successful HCG round) I am amazed that I kept anything. That made me really happy since now I won't have to buy many things as I begin to lose weight. I really didn't want to have to spend much money (on work clothes mostly) when they would get too big before they wore out! How is that for positive thinking?!
I bought my first supply of chewable bariatric vitamins and tried one to see if it was totally nasty...and is wasn't! I also bought some flavorless protein powder and a bunch of different broth's to make that first 10 days not so boring! I have read that my doctor wants 10 days on clear liquids, 10 days on full liquids, and 10 days on soft foods before you get to try more dense things. I am going to have to get creative and try new things! It has been great to belong to a few different Facebook groups for WLS patients. I have gotten lots of ideas for foods and protein drinks and have been able to learn from other people's trial and error. I encourage anyone who is thinking of having the surgery or who needs some extra support after the surgery to check them out. The one's I am in are "Sassy Sleevers", "Mexico Sleevers" and "Sleevers over 50".
I probably won't update again until I begin the pre-op diet. In some ways the next 3 weeks are going to fly by...and in some ways they will crawl by. Either way, February 5th here I come!!!
Ciao
Saturday, January 3, 2015
How it all began.
January 3, 2015 - My story
I didn't always struggle with my weight. Through my mid-20's I was a perfectly healthy
weight. I am 5'2" tall and until my mid-20's I weighed around 115lbs...wore a size 5/7...and pretty much ate what I wanted. I exercised at a gym, but not regularly. I loved hiking, dancing, and hanging with friends. I never really gave much thought to my weight.
I got pregnant with my first child at 28. I gained a LOT of weight. I knew I shouldn't, but I was suddenly hungry all the time, and tired all the time, and that was a brutal combination. When I gave birth, I had ballooned up to 175 lbs. Needless to say, I did not have a 60 pound baby...so I had a lot of weight to lose. I thought the weight would fall off. I had never "dieted" in my life and didn't pay a lot of attention to nutrition or calories. When I finished breastfeeding, I had only lost 25 lbs. After baby #2, I was out of control. My weight had jumped up to 200 lbs and had no intention of "falling off".
And that is when my battle with the scale began.
Over the next 20 years, I tried it all. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Diet Pills, Fasting, Adkins, HCG injections, you name it and I have probably tried it (or at least read a book about it). I am a really good dieter. Put me on a diet and I will stick to it and I will lose weight...until...I don't. I could never find the balance where I could lose the weight and keep it off for any reasonable period of time. I learned the term "yo-yo dieter" and it described me to a tee. I would lose 25 lbs but then gain 30. Up and down that scale went until last year it settled right around 220.
I now know that I am an emotional eater. It sounds silly, but until a few years ago I didn't know that about myself. I lost all sense of non-food rewards. Good times equaled good food...bad times equaled good food...food was always there for me - no matter what. It was my angel and my devil. For a long time, I functioned well as an overweight person. I was active with my kids in Girl Scouts, church, soccer, etc. I didn't hide, I was right there with them cheering them on. I felt some guilt, being the "fat mom"...but didn't let that stop me from being a supportive and loving mom. But as the years went by, my body starting telling me that it was time to make a change. Sore back, knees, ankles, etc. and then the big one - my doctor starting talking about diabetes. Throughout this time, my husband was in poor health. Brain surgery, heart attack, seizures, there wasn't time for me to think about myself. I needed to be wife, mother, coach, teacher, nurse and work a full time job so that we had money and insurance.
One year ago, my husband died of heart failure. Suddenly, I was alone. Kids grown up or away at college, and no excuses as to why I couldn't eat right and exercise. Except I didn't. That old friend food kept me company and let me hide my sorrow and frustration and grief from the world. I had all but given up when a friend invited me to a weight loss seminar where they were going to talk about a weight loss surgery called a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I had never heard of this before. I knew someone who's mother had Gastric Bypass Surgery several years back but she was more than 200 lbs overweight. I did some reading about it at that time and my weight was not high enough to qualify for the surgery. Besides, that seemed really radical - couldn't I just knuckle down and do it myself? After going to the seminar, I was very interested in the VSG surgery. Unfortunately, my insurance does not cover any type of weight loss surgery for any reason. At the seminar, they said that the surgery was around $17,000 - way out of my price range. Another door closed - or was it?
I starting reading and researching VSG surgery. Complications, outcomes, clinics, doctors, you name it and I read about it. I watched people's YouTube channels where they told about their weight loss journey and showed amazing before and after photos. I also really liked how they all said the the surgery was a tool that they had never had in their previous attempts. A tool that physically limits the amount of food you can eat at any given time. I read about the side effects - hair loss, low energy, pains after eating or drinking, etc - and I grew more certain that this was what I had been needing to help me get my strong healthy body back. I even starting looking into borrowing the money somehow. But with a daughter in college, it just seemed so incredibly selfish to spend that much money simply to help me control my eating. Can't I just eat less and exercise more? No, I can't.
I then found out that someone I knew had gone to Mexico to have their VSG surgery - at a fraction of the cost of having it here in the states. At first I thought she must be crazy to go somewhere that you can't even drink the water and have surgery!! But the more I researched and then actually heard from her the details of her experience, I began to believe that I could do this. And before I could find a million and one reasons why I had lost my mind...I booked my surgery.
I will be having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Performed by Dr Jaime Ponce deLeon, Chief Bariatric Surgeon at INT Hospital in Tijuana Mexico on February 5, 2015 - just 33 short days away. I intend to make this blog my personal journal of the experience. I don't know if anyone will ever read this or not...but if you stumble upon this and want to ask any questions or tell me about your own experience, please do. And if no one ever reads this and it ends up being the ramblings of a 54 year old widow who is trying to turn her life around before it's too late? Well I'm OK with that too!
Happy New Year
I didn't always struggle with my weight. Through my mid-20's I was a perfectly healthy
weight. I am 5'2" tall and until my mid-20's I weighed around 115lbs...wore a size 5/7...and pretty much ate what I wanted. I exercised at a gym, but not regularly. I loved hiking, dancing, and hanging with friends. I never really gave much thought to my weight.
I got pregnant with my first child at 28. I gained a LOT of weight. I knew I shouldn't, but I was suddenly hungry all the time, and tired all the time, and that was a brutal combination. When I gave birth, I had ballooned up to 175 lbs. Needless to say, I did not have a 60 pound baby...so I had a lot of weight to lose. I thought the weight would fall off. I had never "dieted" in my life and didn't pay a lot of attention to nutrition or calories. When I finished breastfeeding, I had only lost 25 lbs. After baby #2, I was out of control. My weight had jumped up to 200 lbs and had no intention of "falling off".
And that is when my battle with the scale began.
Over the next 20 years, I tried it all. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Diet Pills, Fasting, Adkins, HCG injections, you name it and I have probably tried it (or at least read a book about it). I am a really good dieter. Put me on a diet and I will stick to it and I will lose weight...until...I don't. I could never find the balance where I could lose the weight and keep it off for any reasonable period of time. I learned the term "yo-yo dieter" and it described me to a tee. I would lose 25 lbs but then gain 30. Up and down that scale went until last year it settled right around 220.
I now know that I am an emotional eater. It sounds silly, but until a few years ago I didn't know that about myself. I lost all sense of non-food rewards. Good times equaled good food...bad times equaled good food...food was always there for me - no matter what. It was my angel and my devil. For a long time, I functioned well as an overweight person. I was active with my kids in Girl Scouts, church, soccer, etc. I didn't hide, I was right there with them cheering them on. I felt some guilt, being the "fat mom"...but didn't let that stop me from being a supportive and loving mom. But as the years went by, my body starting telling me that it was time to make a change. Sore back, knees, ankles, etc. and then the big one - my doctor starting talking about diabetes. Throughout this time, my husband was in poor health. Brain surgery, heart attack, seizures, there wasn't time for me to think about myself. I needed to be wife, mother, coach, teacher, nurse and work a full time job so that we had money and insurance.
One year ago, my husband died of heart failure. Suddenly, I was alone. Kids grown up or away at college, and no excuses as to why I couldn't eat right and exercise. Except I didn't. That old friend food kept me company and let me hide my sorrow and frustration and grief from the world. I had all but given up when a friend invited me to a weight loss seminar where they were going to talk about a weight loss surgery called a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I had never heard of this before. I knew someone who's mother had Gastric Bypass Surgery several years back but she was more than 200 lbs overweight. I did some reading about it at that time and my weight was not high enough to qualify for the surgery. Besides, that seemed really radical - couldn't I just knuckle down and do it myself? After going to the seminar, I was very interested in the VSG surgery. Unfortunately, my insurance does not cover any type of weight loss surgery for any reason. At the seminar, they said that the surgery was around $17,000 - way out of my price range. Another door closed - or was it?
I starting reading and researching VSG surgery. Complications, outcomes, clinics, doctors, you name it and I read about it. I watched people's YouTube channels where they told about their weight loss journey and showed amazing before and after photos. I also really liked how they all said the the surgery was a tool that they had never had in their previous attempts. A tool that physically limits the amount of food you can eat at any given time. I read about the side effects - hair loss, low energy, pains after eating or drinking, etc - and I grew more certain that this was what I had been needing to help me get my strong healthy body back. I even starting looking into borrowing the money somehow. But with a daughter in college, it just seemed so incredibly selfish to spend that much money simply to help me control my eating. Can't I just eat less and exercise more? No, I can't.
I then found out that someone I knew had gone to Mexico to have their VSG surgery - at a fraction of the cost of having it here in the states. At first I thought she must be crazy to go somewhere that you can't even drink the water and have surgery!! But the more I researched and then actually heard from her the details of her experience, I began to believe that I could do this. And before I could find a million and one reasons why I had lost my mind...I booked my surgery.
I will be having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Performed by Dr Jaime Ponce deLeon, Chief Bariatric Surgeon at INT Hospital in Tijuana Mexico on February 5, 2015 - just 33 short days away. I intend to make this blog my personal journal of the experience. I don't know if anyone will ever read this or not...but if you stumble upon this and want to ask any questions or tell me about your own experience, please do. And if no one ever reads this and it ends up being the ramblings of a 54 year old widow who is trying to turn her life around before it's too late? Well I'm OK with that too!
Happy New Year
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)