Another week without making the changes I need to get back on track. I am so frustrated with myself. I find myself making some of the same stupid decisions I made when I was on my way to 225 pounds! I am considering going back to my therapist to see if we can't get to the bottom of why I am suddenly, after successfully losing 65 pounds, finding every way possible to sabotage myself!
Several thoughts about this on my own (without therapy) is that I find myself very uncomfortable with praise. I don't really know why this is...I have finally gotten into a somewhat normal size of clothing...I enjoy shopping, and while I don't wear anything that could even possibly be termed "revealing", I am dressing to highlight my new smaller figure. But last night, I went to our all company party and saw coworkers from other locations that have not seen me since last years event. As the compliments started rolling in, I could feel myself getting more and more uncomfortable. One possibility is that I spent about 20 years "hiding" myself and my body. It is very easy to stay in the background. Now, I don't want to be in the background anymore and yet the old me is still in my head spouting negativity. For every compliment I found myself spouting said negativity. Example..."Wow, you look fantastic! You look so happy and so much younger! I love your outfit, you look so tiny!" My responses..."thanks, I still have a long way to go"..."thanks, it's probably because I finally wore some makeup"..."thanks, but I got this on clearance and I am still trying to lose 20 more pounds!". What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just say thank you, absorb the compliment, and celebrate my success??? It is seriously starting to worry me...that this negativity is going to cause me to lose this hard fought battle!!!
When I had this surgery, and started dropping the extra weight, I would read stories about people who gained most or even all of their weight back and I just couldn't see how that would even be possible!! I am starting to get a better idea of how it happens...and I am scared to death!
Been super busy at work this last week...a couple of 12 hour days...with a big launch coming up in March that is going to result in a 70 hour work week. I need to use the rest of January and the month of February to get myself back on track and losing weight again. I have to keep with my program and not let all the outside BS derail my progress. That quick energy that I get from sugar and carbs is calling to me when I get tired and stressed and I have begun to add these back into my diet. But what happens is that I begin to crave them again...and then I am back to the danger zone!
My goal for this week is to have no added sugar or carbs. When I first had surgery, I quit these things cold turkey and I think that is the right way to handle it again. I will be cranky for the first couple of days...but I have to re-break this cycle and make it stick this time! I am NOT giving up. I am going to continue this battle until I emerge victorious! I may be down...but I am NOT out!
Until next week...
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Happy 2016 and race number one is over!
Once we (my daughter and I) decided that we would set a goal this year of running a 5K race every month, I knew it would be a tall order. But we have had so much fun doing this together in the last 6 months and I knew it would be a good way to make sure I kept moving!
The REI "Worst Day of the Year" run was last Saturday. I guess that typically the weather for this run is awful! We feel like we got lucky...foggy and cold...but no rain! I still have not gotten back into the swing of my training runs and really won't until it starts staying light longer. But I am in decent shape for an old gal and so I wasn't too worried about the race. Well...I also wasn't expecting the first 1/2 mile of the race to be all uphill! I only got in about 3 minutes of running until I was faced with a seriously long and steep hill. I made a quick decision to run halfway up and then walk the other half. I was worried that if I ran the whole hill, I would be gassed and not be able to run the rest of the race. That turned out to be a good decision. Once I made it to the top of the hill, I was able to set a good pace and finish out the race with no problem. But once again, I wasn't able to improve on my best time and get a race under 40 minutes! Oh well...I have 11 more races to get that done!
My younger daughter has been in Thailand for the last two weeks and she comes home for one day before heading back to college in Boston. So I will be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to pick her up at the airport...then the next morning I will be up again taking her back to the airport! I laughed and thought I should just get her a hotel near the airport and save myself the gas !!! I have missed her and will anxiously await her post grad decisions to see if she will be moving back home or not.
Wednesday will mark the rebirth of my gym time. My friend who goes to the gym with me has been super busy with other things and with the holidays we just bagged it until the new year. Now I am excited to get back into the swing of things and start building some muscle. I am also going to do the 21 Day Fix exercise program again because in a month I will be traveling to SanFrancisco and I want to be ready for that.
I am also going to do some research and talk with my doctor about protein drinks. I have a protein drink every morning as my breakfast. I have read several posts online recently where people say their doctors don't want them using a protein drink in place of a meal. My doctor didn't say anything about that and now I want to know what they think. I don't know why the protein drink would be bad unless it's because it doesn't create that "full feeling" that you get from real food. If that is all it is, then I am not worried about that. My morning drink keeps me full until lunch time. But since I am down to the "hard weight" to lose, I want to make sure I am doing everything my doctor thinks I should be doing.
My goals between now and the 12th of February when I leave on my trip are to go to the gym 3 times per week...do the 21 Day Fix...and get in one training run every weekend. When I manage those things, the scale should begin to go in the right direction and I can start ticking off these last 20 pounds!
Here we go...
The REI "Worst Day of the Year" run was last Saturday. I guess that typically the weather for this run is awful! We feel like we got lucky...foggy and cold...but no rain! I still have not gotten back into the swing of my training runs and really won't until it starts staying light longer. But I am in decent shape for an old gal and so I wasn't too worried about the race. Well...I also wasn't expecting the first 1/2 mile of the race to be all uphill! I only got in about 3 minutes of running until I was faced with a seriously long and steep hill. I made a quick decision to run halfway up and then walk the other half. I was worried that if I ran the whole hill, I would be gassed and not be able to run the rest of the race. That turned out to be a good decision. Once I made it to the top of the hill, I was able to set a good pace and finish out the race with no problem. But once again, I wasn't able to improve on my best time and get a race under 40 minutes! Oh well...I have 11 more races to get that done!
My younger daughter has been in Thailand for the last two weeks and she comes home for one day before heading back to college in Boston. So I will be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to pick her up at the airport...then the next morning I will be up again taking her back to the airport! I laughed and thought I should just get her a hotel near the airport and save myself the gas !!! I have missed her and will anxiously await her post grad decisions to see if she will be moving back home or not.
Wednesday will mark the rebirth of my gym time. My friend who goes to the gym with me has been super busy with other things and with the holidays we just bagged it until the new year. Now I am excited to get back into the swing of things and start building some muscle. I am also going to do the 21 Day Fix exercise program again because in a month I will be traveling to SanFrancisco and I want to be ready for that.
I am also going to do some research and talk with my doctor about protein drinks. I have a protein drink every morning as my breakfast. I have read several posts online recently where people say their doctors don't want them using a protein drink in place of a meal. My doctor didn't say anything about that and now I want to know what they think. I don't know why the protein drink would be bad unless it's because it doesn't create that "full feeling" that you get from real food. If that is all it is, then I am not worried about that. My morning drink keeps me full until lunch time. But since I am down to the "hard weight" to lose, I want to make sure I am doing everything my doctor thinks I should be doing.
My goals between now and the 12th of February when I leave on my trip are to go to the gym 3 times per week...do the 21 Day Fix...and get in one training run every weekend. When I manage those things, the scale should begin to go in the right direction and I can start ticking off these last 20 pounds!
Here we go...
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Sorry I've been MIA
I am a few weeks behind in updating my blog. The holidays came in like a whirlwind, my youngest daughter came home from college for Christmas, I shopped and wrapped and decorated like a fiend...and then...it was over! That seems to happen to me every year...chaos!...and then nothing!
The good news is that for once in my life I did NOT gain any weight over the holidays!!! Yay!!! OK - celebration over. I also did not LOSE any weight over the holidays! I have been at a stall now for about 3 months. I did eat more refined sugars over the holidays...candy, cookies, pie, etc...even in very small quantities they add up to very big calories. And while my calorie intake went up up up...my exercise went down down down. A recipe for disaster for sure. I feel lucky that I kept it under control enough to maintain my weight. Now the real work begins.
Next month (in fact exactly 30 days from today) is my one year "surgiversary". February 5th, 2014 was the day that I took back my life. While it is not likely that I will be at goal by my one year date (I still have 20 pounds left to lose) I have never - not even once - looked back since that day. 11 months later, I would get on that plane...fly to San Diego...be driven across the border to
INT Hospital and have this surgery all over again!
I will do a more comprehensive post a month from now...but just a few things that I am thankful for at 11 months post op.
Tying my shoes without breaking a sweat
Not having my underwear cut off the circulation to my thighs
Not having thighs that rub together to the point of rashes
Saving a ton of money on food
Being able to buy clothes from the "regular" department
Getting compliments on my looks (maybe that is vanity, but it sure feels nice)
Learning to run and completing 5 - 5K races since my surgery
The list could go on and on...but I will save that for later.
My daughter and I are tackling our first 5K of the year on Saturday. Our goal this year is to run a 5K race every month. We are set for January...looking for a race in February...and have already registered for a race in March! We are determined!
I will be back to my weekly posting now that life is returning to a normal pace. And I will continue to work my plan until these last 20 pounds are gone and I am at goal. Who knows...maybe then I will begin to blog about my upcoming tummy tuck surgery! Until next time...
The good news is that for once in my life I did NOT gain any weight over the holidays!!! Yay!!! OK - celebration over. I also did not LOSE any weight over the holidays! I have been at a stall now for about 3 months. I did eat more refined sugars over the holidays...candy, cookies, pie, etc...even in very small quantities they add up to very big calories. And while my calorie intake went up up up...my exercise went down down down. A recipe for disaster for sure. I feel lucky that I kept it under control enough to maintain my weight. Now the real work begins.
Next month (in fact exactly 30 days from today) is my one year "surgiversary". February 5th, 2014 was the day that I took back my life. While it is not likely that I will be at goal by my one year date (I still have 20 pounds left to lose) I have never - not even once - looked back since that day. 11 months later, I would get on that plane...fly to San Diego...be driven across the border to
INT Hospital and have this surgery all over again!
I will do a more comprehensive post a month from now...but just a few things that I am thankful for at 11 months post op.
Tying my shoes without breaking a sweat
Not having my underwear cut off the circulation to my thighs
Not having thighs that rub together to the point of rashes
Saving a ton of money on food
Being able to buy clothes from the "regular" department
Getting compliments on my looks (maybe that is vanity, but it sure feels nice)
Learning to run and completing 5 - 5K races since my surgery
The list could go on and on...but I will save that for later.
My daughter and I are tackling our first 5K of the year on Saturday. Our goal this year is to run a 5K race every month. We are set for January...looking for a race in February...and have already registered for a race in March! We are determined!
I will be back to my weekly posting now that life is returning to a normal pace. And I will continue to work my plan until these last 20 pounds are gone and I am at goal. Who knows...maybe then I will begin to blog about my upcoming tummy tuck surgery! Until next time...
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