Yep, I said it...the 170's!!! I weighed this morning and I am officially out of the 180's at 178.4!!!
This week was a really good one for me! It marked a return to work after my Boston vacation...and for the first time in recent history, NOTHING went wrong at work while I was away!!! That made coming back so much more pleasant. My eating this week was spot on. I ate every meal "on plan" and that is such a great feeling! I also made my return to the gym this week with my friend Diane. I was dreading it a bit since various trips and other life events derailed my 3x per week gym routine. Diane hadn't been during that time either and so we were both ready to hit it. We are really trying to gain some upper body muscle since that is both of our weak areas. So we did some cardio on the treadmill to start and then did a full upper body and ab workout, ending with a cool down on the bikes. Since we were out of practice, it took us two hours to get through it all (normally we do a 90 minute workout). The best part was that I anticipated being really sore following this, but although my muscles were a bit tight, the next day was not anywhere near as bad as I had feared. Maybe I am actually building some muscles!
This week also marked a very exciting change on the size chart! I have a trip to Vegas with 8 ladies coming up this Saturday and after checking the weather there (100+) I decided that I needed a few new tops and shorts. I have shopped in the plus size department for 20 years and so I, by habit, always start there. They were having a 50% off shorts and summer tops sale and so I loaded myself up and headed to the fitting room. 10 minutes later, I was returning all those items to the rack and taking myself away from the plus size department over into the uncharted territory of (gasp) regular sized clothing!!! Yes folks, I am too small for plus size clothes!!!!! Not only that, but I am too small for size XL in regular clothes!! I was literally shaking when I picked out several tops in a size large (yet another trip to the fitting room - I think the attendant thought I was nuts) and went to try them on. I kept telling myself that there was no way these were going to fit, even though trying on an XL and seeing how big it was should have made me more confident. When I put the first top on and it fit comfortably, I could have cried! I sent my daughters a text and even took a picture of the size tag and me in the outfit for them to celebrate with me!
Last night, I pulled up my "before" photo and compared it with the photo I took in the fitting room and I can finally see with my own eyes the amazing different 46 pounds has made. My daughter commented last week that no one sees how much weight I have lost because I don't wear any clothing that is fitted. That is true...in my head, I am still that 224 pound woman that started this journey and I never ever ever wore anything fitted. I felt gross and disgusting and never wanted anyone to see all my rolls of fat through tight clothing. But in continuing to wear oversized clothes, I was depriving myself of seeing my ongoing transformation! I stared at those photos side by side for a long time. My mind needs to catch up with my progress! The next time my daughter is over, I am going to have her take the same photos she took for me when I started. A front, back, and side shot...then I am going to send them to my wonderful patient coordinator Trish, who has been asking for pics for weeks now. I hadn't sent any because I just didn't "see" my progress. I could see it on the scale, but not in the mirror...but now I can and I want to share it with her!
This has really gotten me to thinking about body dysmorphia. I read about this once in a biography about someone with anorexia...the body is skin and bones, but when the person looks in the mirror, all they see is fat. I don't think I will ever develop this, but I certainly have been flirting with it during this process. When I would look in the mirror, all I would see is my old 224 pound self. Since my "size large day" it's like a filter that I have been looking at myself through has been snatched away and suddenly I see the difference! I have a waist again, my bra band area is smooth and I have lost most of my "back fat"...even my arms are looking better, to the point where I am excited for summer and sleeveless shirts!! I am finally ready to celebrate getting to the halfway mark (almost...1.2 pounds to go) and set myself up for success in the second half.
Here's to an amazing summer!!
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